Ask the Pastor

Our pastor offered to field our toughest questions.
Like… if God is great and God is good,
Why did my uncle die from cancer?
Questions like those.
He opened up and let us hit him with our best shot.
He stood there like God’s punching bag.

And I sat there silent.
While others posed theirs.
Because I was too afraid to ask my questions.
Since I already knew the answers.

I believe that God’s good and God’s greatness
Is far beyond anything I can imagine.
I believe that God can create a rock of any size,
Lift it, and make a bigger one.
And then repeat.
Ad infinitum. Ad absurdum.

And that gives me some peace.

I believe that we all wind up in heaven.
But that doesn’t make it any easier
Here on Earth.

And that gives me some peace.

I believe that God said,
“Let there be Light.”
And I know that I can only see the
Slimmest slice of that Light.
Just the colors of the rainbow
When there is everything from Gamma rays
To radio waves and beyond.
Literally. I am blind to God’s Light.

And that gives me some peace.

And I believe that Jesus,
Full of grace and truth and light
Came to save us, and that by dying on the cross
He redeemed us.
He atoned for our sin, now and forever.

And that gives me some peace.

Still. I wanted to know
Why aren’t food and medicine
Distributed equally? Why is there so
Much injustice?
And God just asks me back,
“Why can’t you share?”

And I wanted to know
Can war ever be justified?
And God just asks me back,
“Can your yard, which poisons the water
With the fertilizer that runs off it, and which
Pollutes the air with the exhaust from
Your mower, and which is losing its
Topsoil right into the storm sewers because
You have no idea how to tend the Earth…
Can your yard be justified?”

And it pains me to come to these answers:
I am a sinner. I have fallen short.
As much as any Senator, any President, any King;
I need God’s grace.
I need hope and peace.
And I need to change.
I have to find what I am looking for.

And I can’t even sleep.

And that is when I hear God say,
“It is alright. When I made creation,
It was good. And it still is.
I made you. I love you.
Live. Be my child.
Be a reflection of my grace and truth.”

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