Nelson was Meyers-Briggs INTJ, the expert.
To gain energy he focused his energy internally. He was constantly confronting the demons, searching and listening for angels. He preferred to think and read. But he could never be sure that he was thinking independently. Like Descartes, he feared there was a trickster (a middle-man) who was hiding things, masking reality. He feared he was in an echo chamber – with his own ideas bouncing off the walls and coming right back to him. “Hello. (Hello.) I’m at a place called Vertigo.”
He sure as hell wasn’t sure that he was right.
Nelson relied on theories and principles to provide a framework for the details. Nelson was concerned with the entirety of things. Nelson understood implication, analogy, connections, possibility, probability, and inference. He could jump to conclusions in a heartbeat. He also was moved by statistics more than anecdote. Tell him that forty-percent of kids were on subsidized lunches, and he was ready to write a check. He couldn’t care one wit for an instance of a welfare mom driving a Cadillac. As far as he was concerned, she was a rounding error, an aberration. She still needed enough money to put dinner on the table and a good healthcare plan that included birth control.
Nelson felt lucky, privileged.
He wondered, “Why aren’t there more news stories about kids who get free or reduced lunch?” He answered himself, “Because that is boring, normal. We might start to sympathize with the poor and unfortunate. We might look at a kid in a scruffy jacket and a beat-up backpack and see someone who likely got beans and rice for dinner last night. We might see someone who is courageous, tough, determined.”
He choked on the constant diet of Welfare-Cheats.
He knew he was a cheat (a sneaky-monkey) at least some of the time, that he was gaming the system. He was speeding down the highway at 7-8 miles per hour above the speed limit. He was burning gasoline that his children would not be able to afford. And just because everyone else was doing it, that did not make it right. Just because he was not likely to get pulled over, not likely to get harassed when he ran, that did not mean this was the best of all possible countries.
And he knew the truth: the lucky and unlucky, the fortunate and unfortunate, the privileged and the vulnerable were all the same. We are they, and they are us. And we are all God’s children. We turn a profit, achieve our dreams, if we are lucky, if God wills it, if we were born at the right place. But the luck blinds the fortunate to the truth that we and they are the same. We are all sinners, cheating and gaming the rigged system to the best of our ability.